Remember the noise I heard? The one that caused me to abruptly stop blogging? Well, it was nothing. The wind.
Not that that matters, not now.
We were ready. We had our plan, we had our kit, we were all ready. The Dark Citadel was less than a mile away.
We took a deep breath.
We stormed towards it…
And there was no-one there.
Nope.
No-one.
Just a note.
I really don’t know what to say.
Timmy has found Clyde, or at least a Facebook page masquerading as Clyde - http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003192097459
Not sure if that will work, but anyway. On the Facebook page was a note.
“Dear Timmy
I have been kidnapped by a species called the Hunchmen. They are a particularly disgusting, squashed, slimy half-slug half-man creature, and they live by sucking the energy from lightbulbs.
However, they’re not the ones to be worried about. They were just doing a job, for some much more unpleasant people. I can’t go in to what they want to do to me now, but rest assured it’s not going to be fun, and I only have until Saturday. Luckily, there’s pretty good Wi-Fi in the tower where they’re keeping me, and I managed to smuggle my smartphone out when they kidnapped me. They’re keeping tabs on the Internet, so getting clues to you has been hard - I started a blog, and I wanted to do a Wikipedia entry for the Hunchmen but it was too complicated - but then I overheard two Hunchmen talking. Apparently, they don’t take Facebook seriously - they think it’s just a passing fad - so they’re not tracking it. So I made a profile, and hopefully you’ll find it.
They’ve taken me to The Dark Citadel, in a parallel dimension. I can’t actually pronounce or spell its name, it sounds kind of like the noise you’d make if you sucked the words “old silver cow” backwards down your throat. But that doesn’t matter. All you need to know is how to get here.
The Hunchmen use music to travel between worlds. Harmonic and melodic combinations - like specific songs being played AT THE EXACT SAME TIME. But each melodic combination only works for a week - and the one I’ve given you will become obsolete on Saturday. Finding another one will be pretty much impossible.
Please, please, please come and get me Timmy. And bring your brother along. He’s not much of a brain but I’m sure he could be handy with a sword.
They’re keeping me in the top room of The Dark Citadel, probably the wonkiest castle I’ve ever seen.
I hope to see you soon.”
So there we have it. Clyde’s in a parallel universe. Where else would he be?
More later. I need to calm Timmy down.
Timmy just marched into my room and gave me this.
The masterplan involves our little sister (aged 5) going around the back of the evil castle on a skateboard, with a ghetto blaster pumping out Justin Bieber songs as a distraction. While this is going on, Timmy goes round the front of the castle with a ladder attached to a pogo stick and retrieves Clyde from the top of the tower.
I pointed out to Timmy that this plan entirely hinges on Clyde actually being kept in an evil castle of this exact design. He replied ‘Well yes, obviously,’ as if I were a complete idiot. ‘I’m making sure we have all our bases covered.’
‘What happens to our sister when you’re retrieved Clyde?’ I asked.
‘Once I’m clear with Clyde, you rescue her with a sword,’ replied Timmy. ‘That’s part of the plan, but I ran out of room on the paper.’
‘I don’t have a sword,’ I said.
‘I’ll make you one,’ said Timmy. ‘Now I have to go. The lightbulb needs further study.’
And off he went.
Someone took our frog. We're gonna get him back.
